Sunday, May 1, 2011

Lets talk !

I have so much too talk about much going through my mind i need to take out.

I feel strange ,  its not PMS i know.. i am scared and its a strange kind of scary feeling. may be because of exams..

I constantly think about getting a migration (migrate from one college to another)...I don't want to be in a girls college, I don't not able to cope up with the bitchy-ness . Again, I am scared whether i'll be able to get it or not . I even think if i'd be happy or not ..If i'll be able to make friends or not .It makes me feel like a kid ..going to school for the first time

My past ...the-things-i-share-with-no-one it still makes me angry and insecure sometimes . Am not able to let go .Those things are past ..its been years  .But still...I think meeting better people ...having friends will make things better . Then i think .."will i ever be able to make friends? "

sometimes i don't like to blog with a pseudonym .Though i like the name - MAYA has a very sensual ...mysterious feel.

A lot of times i find it hard to express myself . It makes me feel suffocated .

I want to change myself very lazy , silly , irresponsible..i want to get rid of these characteristics ..They make me not like myself .

I think , i need to go on a holiday ..somewhere in the mountains ALONE. or may be with a couple of friends .

I  a lot of times think about the "A DOOR TO HEAVEN STORY" which dadoo told me .. i sometimes have a feeling that things will change from now on, and they will change for the worst.

I need to get over my ex .. I sometimes think i am just deluding myself . He is a part of my insecurities . I still love him .A LOT

I will never get married ... I don't want to . i might have a test tube baby or i might keep a pet. i might sometimes hire male escort or i might just start following celibacy.

I want to write a book someday. I am giving it a serious thought .

I sometimes get nightmare that i am living in extreme poverty ..loneliness and misery . It scares me like  .

I can easily keep others happy ..but i find it really difficult to keep myself happy.

I think a lot .. i think a lot other than this crap and a lot is an understatement.

I came across as a very insecure person ...especially to you people (if anyone is reading) . people who know me .i know can never believe i wrote it .

you know what after reading what all i wrote i think most of my problems are just not problems .
They bother me because i think about them a lot but i cannot stop thinking about them and i can go on and on about them... and I can see you guys are not liking it. i think i should stop here.

bbye !