Sunday, May 1, 2011

Lets talk !

I have so much too talk about much going through my mind i need to take out.

I feel strange ,  its not PMS i know.. i am scared and its a strange kind of scary feeling. may be because of exams..

I constantly think about getting a migration (migrate from one college to another)...I don't want to be in a girls college, I don't not able to cope up with the bitchy-ness . Again, I am scared whether i'll be able to get it or not . I even think if i'd be happy or not ..If i'll be able to make friends or not .It makes me feel like a kid ..going to school for the first time

My past ...the-things-i-share-with-no-one it still makes me angry and insecure sometimes . Am not able to let go .Those things are past ..its been years  .But still...I think meeting better people ...having friends will make things better . Then i think .."will i ever be able to make friends? "

sometimes i don't like to blog with a pseudonym .Though i like the name - MAYA has a very sensual ...mysterious feel.

A lot of times i find it hard to express myself . It makes me feel suffocated .

I want to change myself very lazy , silly , irresponsible..i want to get rid of these characteristics ..They make me not like myself .

I think , i need to go on a holiday ..somewhere in the mountains ALONE. or may be with a couple of friends .

I  a lot of times think about the "A DOOR TO HEAVEN STORY" which dadoo told me .. i sometimes have a feeling that things will change from now on, and they will change for the worst.

I need to get over my ex .. I sometimes think i am just deluding myself . He is a part of my insecurities . I still love him .A LOT

I will never get married ... I don't want to . i might have a test tube baby or i might keep a pet. i might sometimes hire male escort or i might just start following celibacy.

I want to write a book someday. I am giving it a serious thought .

I sometimes get nightmare that i am living in extreme poverty ..loneliness and misery . It scares me like  .

I can easily keep others happy ..but i find it really difficult to keep myself happy.

I think a lot .. i think a lot other than this crap and a lot is an understatement.

I came across as a very insecure person ...especially to you people (if anyone is reading) . people who know me .i know can never believe i wrote it .

you know what after reading what all i wrote i think most of my problems are just not problems .
They bother me because i think about them a lot but i cannot stop thinking about them and i can go on and on about them... and I can see you guys are not liking it. i think i should stop here.

bbye !

1 comment:

Jack said...


First visit. Read all posts. I too write under pen-name as I do not wish to compromise identity of those about whom I write at times. However close friends here know my true name but keep it only in mails or talking in person. I will say that never feel underconfident. Be your natural self and follow your conscience to do what you feel is right without any thought as to how will others react. First step to success is to know yourself well and love it. One should get the best out of strengths and make all efforts to overcome weakness. No one is born great but it is their own doing which makes them so. In any relationship if basic principles of mutual respect, mutual trust, giving space and two way open & logical communication are not followed that relationship will never be healthy. One needs to get over unhealthy relationship and move on instead of living in misery. I can make out from your writings that you are a normal, healthy and intelligent girl who deserves good things in life. So get over your feeling of insecurity and live life as it comes. If you wish, you may contact me at my id given in profile.

Take care